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Welp, we’ve come to learn that even during a pandemic life still happens. And fast. Responsibilities still require time, children need to be homeschooled, and bills need to be paid. The stress, the worries, all the feelings still arise. Maybe even more now. Schedules have been turned upside down. Routines have been changed, unrecognizable. Change can be scary.
Somewhere in all that, the “me” time got lost. That inner scream seeking silence, sanity, and peace, was being pushed down. I found it was coming up in unhealthy ways. Anxiety, anger, frustration, and feeling overwhelmed. I was no longer able to function well as a parent, partner, friend, student,or even as a human being! It was time to bring out the resources we all know but rarely use: self-care. For me, self-care looks like baking, mediation, exercise, interacting with friends and my kids, Netflix, and DIY projects around the house to keep my hands and mind busy.
The thought of ripping up old carpeting seemed exhausting, too involved, and maybe even a bit scary. Change, in a time when nothing seems the same anymore. Maybe change is not a good idea? But, maybe that’s just my fear and a need to grip onto something familiar? The fearful inner dialog stirred my thoughts and had me change my mind several times . I took a leap of faith and took a deep breath. I gathered the tools needed, dragged my exhausted, unmotivated, and tired body to the room. I turned on my music in an attempt to uplift me. I began.
Well, will ya’ look at that! The carpet is over a decade old. It’s been through so much. It was placed down years ago as part of an old dream and need. Throughout the years, it served its purpose. It’s been crawled on, been walked on, danced on, laughed on, cried on, LIVED on! It’s had its accidents and messes. I’ve worked hard to clean it, but some things just stain. It just didn’t occur to me to replace or remove it. We work with what we have and become comfortable with our messes. Comfortable with finding ways to clean them. Restore them. But, now I see what I can no longer not see: sometimes, you have to weigh the pros and cons of where your effort is being put into. It’s work to pull up a carpet with my bare hands! I’m sweating, my muscles ache, and it’s sad to say goodbye to an old time in my life. But, I’m working to get more of that beautiful new flooring I had all this time underneath it! A new floor waiting for its first steps and new memories.
I’m finding myself oddly grateful for the need and call to care for myself. Through doing so, I not only kept myself busy, I found out there was something in the stillness waiting for me to stir it up and change it. I took a scary moment and ceased it to take a chance and get out of my comfort zone. I found out through self-care we find our truth. Sometimes, we lose our way to find our way.
Yes, change can be scary. But what needs are you pushing down within you? Whatever is pushed down, kept in, can lead to anxiety, stress, or anger. So, what things need to change in your life? What have you been putting off and what have you been afraid to let go of? Find that “old carpet” in your life that no longer serves you. Maybe it’s a relationship, your job, a habit. You never know what gem lies beneath just waiting for you